I found out yesterday that the La Leche League meeting I regularly attend is cancelled this month. We meet once a month to discuss different aspects of breastfeeding (i.e. nutrition, difficulties, weaning). I look forward to these meetings every month because I am alone in my personal breastfeeding adventure.
Let me explain. I have a wonderfully supportive husband who takes me at my word and trusts my judgement when it comes to child-rearing. However, he has been known to "help" me cover myself when I'm nursing. There are times he has a problem with the how, when & where of breastfeeding. I don't expect him to be able to relate. My mother seems to be more interested in the social stigma. Like her daughter is so chic because she breastfeeds and uses a sling, society be damned! Her daughter goes against social norms to ensure the health of her children, isn't it just too Hippy Dippy meets Uptown Glamour? But she wants to give Reagan water because she thinks the baby is "thirsty". You're killing me woman. And she wonders why I waited so long to let anyone keep Bella overnight? Why would I let them keep her when they ignore my parenting style? I know it's not all her... dad holds much of the blame. As far as my sister goes, she & I don't discuss much of anything and she gave up breastfeeding for formula after just a few months. She was a stay-at-home mom and she still gave it up. No real reason.
I inundate my in-laws with so much boob and breastfeeding that I'm sure they're sick of me and my boobs. I know, however, they would never say a negative thing about it. It is not their place. I am a well-informed parent and I do what I think and know are best for my girls. My sister-in-law breastfed for a time when Renzo was first born, but she also supplemented. She pumped at work for a time, but gave it up when it became too difficult. He is now formula fed. At first, I thought I found someone I could relate to, but she preferred pumping and feeding from a bottle. She had her own set of circumstances that led to her decision, but I struggled and I know others who had immense issues and persevered. I don't understand giving up because it's easy. Nothing that's worthwhile is ever easy.
So back to the LLL meeting. As you can see, in my family I don't have a sounding board when it comes to breastfeeding. LLL is only once a month, so I have one night a month for one hour to feel less alone and more normal. It shouldn't be a huge deal to me, but it is! There are so many other things going on right now with work and family - I need this. Work is crazy with my work load piling up infront of me as we fire more people. I'm trying to get use to the idea that I will have to deal with most of the Christmas holiday without my husband who will be on tour with a Christmas show as far away as Michigan & New York. A lot is going on right now and I need something I can count on. I thought LLL was my safe place, but now they're not even there for me. It's upsetting.
Last Friday was supposed to be so great. I took the day off to travel with my family and my in-laws to Myrtle Beach. Early that morning, however, I got a text from Bobbie (work wife) that I needed to check the newspaper for an article about the company for which we work. She also stated that the only other person left in the office besides us was going to be let go. Not just "let go", but FIRED. It was done in frustration and anger, so I think FIRED is the word to use. It all happened so fast: the news story breaking, the firing, the paperwork, and the threats of jail time. My head was spinning and I was trying to get ready for a relaxing weekend! So much for that!
As the weekend went on I became more anxious about heading back to work Monday morning. The tasks left undone were assuredly to become my responsibility, while my job was to be passed on to someone else - Bobbie. We've lost almost everyone in this office in the last year. We went from a group of seven to just the two of us. It's been stressful to say the least. I feel like I want to cry sometimes, but I can't. I don't have the tears for it. I still have a job and that's what matters. More good news is that I was not to be the sole bearer of the tasks formerly done by our lost co-worker. We are splitting her duties between Bobbie, the office manager and myself. It's Thursday and I've been working at my new tasks all week. I've barely spent more than three hours all week on my accounting work.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around all that's happened. I wish I could go into more detail and stop being so vague, but that wouldn't be appropriate. I generally become fully aware of the lying, cheating, misuse of funds, etc. that goes on in a company within the first two years of my employment and the thought of working for a company like this forces me to find employment elsewhere. So after four jobs like this, I am feeling hopeless. I've been employed here for over three years and I only stay because of my family responsibilities. It's not likely that I could start over at another company making the same money I make here. It would be so nice to say that the money doesn't matter, but it does. I was not to the manor born, nor was Chris. If I could make money working for a charity, I'd quit today. As far as my career goes, all I want is to know that the work I do makes a difference and helps people. I'm not making a difference now and the only person I'm helping is the owner as I line his pockets with money. I can't do this much longer.
