I found out yesterday that the La Leche League meeting I regularly attend is cancelled this month. We meet once a month to discuss different aspects of breastfeeding (i.e. nutrition, difficulties, weaning). I look forward to these meetings every month because I am alone in my personal breastfeeding adventure.

Let me explain. I have a wonderfully supportive husband who takes me at my word and trusts my judgement when it comes to child-rearing. However, he has been known to "help" me cover myself when I'm nursing. There are times he has a problem with the how, when & where of breastfeeding. I don't expect him to be able to relate. My mother seems to be more interested in the social stigma. Like her daughter is so chic because she breastfeeds and uses a sling, society be damned! Her daughter goes against social norms to ensure the health of her children, isn't it just too Hippy Dippy meets Uptown Glamour? But she wants to give Reagan water because she thinks the baby is "thirsty". You're killing me woman. And she wonders why I waited so long to let anyone keep Bella overnight? Why would I let them keep her when they ignore my parenting style? I know it's not all her... dad holds much of the blame. As far as my sister goes, she & I don't discuss much of anything and she gave up breastfeeding for formula after just a few months. She was a stay-at-home mom and she still gave it up. No real reason.

I inundate my in-laws with so much boob and breastfeeding that I'm sure they're sick of me and my boobs. I know, however, they would never say a negative thing about it. It is not their place. I am a well-informed parent and I do what I think and know are best for my girls. My sister-in-law breastfed for a time when Renzo was first born, but she also supplemented. She pumped at work for a time, but gave it up when it became too difficult. He is now formula fed. At first, I thought I found someone I could relate to, but she preferred pumping and feeding from a bottle. She had her own set of circumstances that led to her decision, but I struggled and I know others who had immense issues and persevered. I don't understand giving up because it's easy. Nothing that's worthwhile is ever easy.

So back to the LLL meeting. As you can see, in my family I don't have a sounding board when it comes to breastfeeding. LLL is only once a month, so I have one night a month for one hour to feel less alone and more normal. It shouldn't be a huge deal to me, but it is! There are so many other things going on right now with work and family - I need this. Work is crazy with my work load piling up infront of me as we fire more people. I'm trying to get use to the idea that I will have to deal with most of the Christmas holiday without my husband who will be on tour with a Christmas show as far away as Michigan & New York. A lot is going on right now and I need something I can count on. I thought LLL was my safe place, but now they're not even there for me. It's upsetting.