I'd think I was dead if not for the constricting pain in my chest. I find it difficult to take a deep breath. My vision is blurry or perhaps it just seems like everyday is a veiled in a shadowy haze. Once in a while I am able to lift the veil and seize control over my life, but lately those occasions are rare. There is such a fog in my head.
I don't even know where to start. I love Christmas. It's the happiest time of year for me. I love the music, the lights, the decorations, the Santas, the peace-on-earth-and-goodwill-to-man vibes, and all the rest of it. This year will be Reagan's first Christmas. Our tradition is to spend Christmas morning at home. Two years ago, my whole family came over and we will be doing that again this year. Last year, we went to my sister's house for a few hours and celebrated with her family and my parents. My in-laws have never spent a Christmas here. This year they've decided to stay, so I invited them to our home since my family is coming already. They declined and invited us to their home Christmas morning. We are hosting Christmas morning in our home and my in-laws (who are never here for Christmas day) want us to change our plans for them. When I told them we wouldn't be changing our plans to suit them, they told us to just come over later. No! We are hosting Christmas at our house. If you would like to see us, please come. They are more than welcome - we invited them! Don't counter my offer with an offer of your own. You don't like my family? Chris thinks they want to avoid chaos. We have kids. When is there not chaos at our house?
And then there's work. I thought the company was going to close last week and I haven't been able to breathe easy since then. We had a big meeting on Friday and it was as close as you can get to full disclosure, so it should've been reassuring. Unfortunately, I'm still in panic mode. I've never been so busy. I get caught up on one thing and fall behind on three other "top priorities". It's an endless cycle and there's nothing I can do to change it.
Chris left yesterday and will be home the 22nd. I have some Christmas shopping left to do and it should be easy, but that's not the problem. I just don't need one more thing added to my inbox. I'm thankful that my parents and my in-laws are helping by picking up the kids in the afternoon. I really appreciate that. It definitely makes it easier for me since I've been working late. Less guilt about leaving them at the sitter until dark-thirty. I don't think there's that much to be done, but it's overwhelming when I'm already stressed. All I want for Christmas is a calming, relaxing, deep breath.
I found out yesterday that the La Leche League meeting I regularly attend is cancelled this month. We meet once a month to discuss different aspects of breastfeeding (i.e. nutrition, difficulties, weaning). I look forward to these meetings every month because I am alone in my personal breastfeeding adventure.
Let me explain. I have a wonderfully supportive husband who takes me at my word and trusts my judgement when it comes to child-rearing. However, he has been known to "help" me cover myself when I'm nursing. There are times he has a problem with the how, when & where of breastfeeding. I don't expect him to be able to relate. My mother seems to be more interested in the social stigma. Like her daughter is so chic because she breastfeeds and uses a sling, society be damned! Her daughter goes against social norms to ensure the health of her children, isn't it just too Hippy Dippy meets Uptown Glamour? But she wants to give Reagan water because she thinks the baby is "thirsty". You're killing me woman. And she wonders why I waited so long to let anyone keep Bella overnight? Why would I let them keep her when they ignore my parenting style? I know it's not all her... dad holds much of the blame. As far as my sister goes, she & I don't discuss much of anything and she gave up breastfeeding for formula after just a few months. She was a stay-at-home mom and she still gave it up. No real reason.
I inundate my in-laws with so much boob and breastfeeding that I'm sure they're sick of me and my boobs. I know, however, they would never say a negative thing about it. It is not their place. I am a well-informed parent and I do what I think and know are best for my girls. My sister-in-law breastfed for a time when Renzo was first born, but she also supplemented. She pumped at work for a time, but gave it up when it became too difficult. He is now formula fed. At first, I thought I found someone I could relate to, but she preferred pumping and feeding from a bottle. She had her own set of circumstances that led to her decision, but I struggled and I know others who had immense issues and persevered. I don't understand giving up because it's easy. Nothing that's worthwhile is ever easy.
So back to the LLL meeting. As you can see, in my family I don't have a sounding board when it comes to breastfeeding. LLL is only once a month, so I have one night a month for one hour to feel less alone and more normal. It shouldn't be a huge deal to me, but it is! There are so many other things going on right now with work and family - I need this. Work is crazy with my work load piling up infront of me as we fire more people. I'm trying to get use to the idea that I will have to deal with most of the Christmas holiday without my husband who will be on tour with a Christmas show as far away as Michigan & New York. A lot is going on right now and I need something I can count on. I thought LLL was my safe place, but now they're not even there for me. It's upsetting.
Last Friday was supposed to be so great. I took the day off to travel with my family and my in-laws to Myrtle Beach. Early that morning, however, I got a text from Bobbie (work wife) that I needed to check the newspaper for an article about the company for which we work. She also stated that the only other person left in the office besides us was going to be let go. Not just "let go", but FIRED. It was done in frustration and anger, so I think FIRED is the word to use. It all happened so fast: the news story breaking, the firing, the paperwork, and the threats of jail time. My head was spinning and I was trying to get ready for a relaxing weekend! So much for that!
As the weekend went on I became more anxious about heading back to work Monday morning. The tasks left undone were assuredly to become my responsibility, while my job was to be passed on to someone else - Bobbie. We've lost almost everyone in this office in the last year. We went from a group of seven to just the two of us. It's been stressful to say the least. I feel like I want to cry sometimes, but I can't. I don't have the tears for it. I still have a job and that's what matters. More good news is that I was not to be the sole bearer of the tasks formerly done by our lost co-worker. We are splitting her duties between Bobbie, the office manager and myself. It's Thursday and I've been working at my new tasks all week. I've barely spent more than three hours all week on my accounting work.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around all that's happened. I wish I could go into more detail and stop being so vague, but that wouldn't be appropriate. I generally become fully aware of the lying, cheating, misuse of funds, etc. that goes on in a company within the first two years of my employment and the thought of working for a company like this forces me to find employment elsewhere. So after four jobs like this, I am feeling hopeless. I've been employed here for over three years and I only stay because of my family responsibilities. It's not likely that I could start over at another company making the same money I make here. It would be so nice to say that the money doesn't matter, but it does. I was not to the manor born, nor was Chris. If I could make money working for a charity, I'd quit today. As far as my career goes, all I want is to know that the work I do makes a difference and helps people. I'm not making a difference now and the only person I'm helping is the owner as I line his pockets with money. I can't do this much longer.
To catch up a bit, Reagan now has five teeth! FIVE! Needless to say, she hasn't slept well lately, and you can correctly assume I have not slept well either. According to what I've read, cutting teeth is more painful at night and babies want to nurse more often in an attempt to alleviate the pain. She doesn't just wake up in the middle of the night like she used to with her little kicks and whining. She wakes up screaming. Every 30 minutes to an hour. All night long. It's awesome.
On Saturday we went to my mom's for a jewelry party. For weeks Reagan has worked on her crawling technique. She gets up on all fours, then down on her belly. She gets up and pushes back with her arms and goes down to her belly. It seemed like it was going to happen any day. So after church yesterday, she came to a decision. Hands and knees just aren't her bag. She was prone on the living room floor and army crawled to the television remote a foot or more away.
She looks like she's trying to avoid live fire. She pulls herself along with her hands and arms while pushing with her feet and knees. I've heard of babies doing this, but I never thought my baby would be an army crawler. Her daddy wasn't home yesterday, so he got his first glimpse of the baby in motion this morning. It just seems like such a waste of energy. She looks like she's trying so hard and getting up on hands and knees is much more efficient. Oh well, who am I to tell her how to crawl?
So now we enter phase two - the mobile baby. I was hoping she would wait another month or so. Mobility is great, but it's highly overrated. What could be better than a perfect little angel baby sitting in the same spot you left her 5 minutes before? I would never quash her development as she gains independence, confidence and new abilities. It's hard on a mom who knows our time together is limited and sees every achievement with boastful pride and a glimmer of sadness.
I had a birthday this week. This is the first time Chris has been home for my birthday and he took me to lunch. We tried a new place on Daniel Island (Ali Baba) and then I accompanied him on a site check for the Race for the Cure at the Family Circle Cup stadium. Back at work I found out two people were let go. I wasn't one of them, so it could be worse, but it's not good. It means that the economic state of the area is continuing to decline. It's hitting too close to home for my taste, but what can I do?
I mentioned to a co-worker that I wasn't sure whether I should be super-motivated or totally unmotivated. I have responsibilities to my husband and my children and that means I need to be doing everything possible to keep from losing my job. However, Betty (one of the seemingly unnecessary employees) was great at her job and went out of her way to make herself useful. What hope is there for me? My supervisor told me yesterday that as of now, we are all on an equal playing field. No one does job that is more important than anyone else. Hard to believe. One of us will have to be moved from our office and into the front office. None of us wants to move. Having seen personnel move into the front office and be fired makes me feel like it's the gateway to dismissal. I've enjoyed having my own office for almost a year now. I can use my breast pump at my leisure. People wander in and out of the front office all day and it's very distracting. I was in the front office at one point, but was upgraded to a shared office and ultimately an office of my own. I don't want to be downgraded.
I was notified that I will be absorbing Betty's duties as purchasing officer. I only have a slight understanding of all that entails. I have never been a purchasing officer, nor do I see it as a direction in which I am prepared to move. However, I am being dropped in head first. We will find out tomorrow who pulled the short straw to move into the front office. I am none too excited. I am here to do a job for a company to which I am indifferent. I guess it's about time I start caring since my responsibilities are multiplying!
My hair is damaged. I've tried different colors in my hair since high school and I have to blow dry or it's unruly. So the combination of chemicals and heat has really done a number on my thin, fine hair. Living in the Lowcountry means there is constant humidity with which to contend. All these things contribute to my frizz.
In the past, I would style my hair just right and throughout the day it would go south. If was raining, it wouldn't last through my walk to the car! I didn't think I really had a choice in the matter since I'd put up with it for so long. It was understood that bad hair days were not my fault and that's the way the chips fell for me. But all that's behind me.
At Target on Saturday, I was looking through the array of serums, sprays & styling cremes when my eyes fell on the Frizz-Ease line by John Frieda. I've used the line of Sheer Blonde shampoos and conditioners, but I always thought Frizz-Ease was for people with curly hair. I'm glad I gave them a second look. In a toss-up between Frizz-Ease Heat Defeat Protective Styling Spray and the Straight Fixation Smoothing Creme, I chose the spray. The label on the creme says it's "lightweight" but I worry that products will weigh down my strands and make them too oily.
I'm so happy with this product! I wash, towel dry, spritz with miracle spray, blow dry & style to get a perfect coif (in my opinion) that stays perfect throughout the day! Even my co-workers noticed a difference. Yesterday was a rainy day and my hair maintained it's style ALL DAY. Amazing. I cannot speak for the rest of the line, but if this worked for me, I suggest you give any of the Frizz-Ease products a try.
Ah, Halloween. It's never been a favorite time of year for me. The candy is great, don't get me wrong, but playing dress-up was something we did year-round as kids, so it was no big deal. I became more involved in Halloween when I had my own baby to clothe in fantastical garments, and I really started to love it last year.
My friend (also my co-worker) was telling me she needed to get "Boo bags" ready because she'd been "Boo-ed". It sounded crazy until she explained and it changed my view of Halloween.
If you're a mom, you probably know all about Boo-ing, but maybe not. Here's the Readers Digest version: create "Boo bags" (containing candy, treats, pencils, etc.), find a poem online or create your own, make signs, and pass out to neighbors. To get the ball rolling last year I made five. I was so excited when I got Boo-ed back! Here's the poem I use with instructions for your neighbors to continue the fun:
The air is cool, the season fall
Soon Halloween will come to all
This is the time for goblins and bats
Spooks and spirits and ghosts and cats
The ghosts are after things to do,
In fact, a ghost brought this to you!
“BOO” is a shield from witching hour
Just hang it up and watch its power
To yield the power, pick three friends sweet
And give them each a Halloween treat
Neighbors will have smiling faces
None will know who “BOO-ed” whose places!
Just one short day to work your spell,
But keep it secret! Hide it well!
Join in the fun, the season’s here.
So spread these “BOOs” and share the cheer!!
Here are the next steps:
-Enjoy your treat!
-Place the BOO sign on your door, on a visible front window, or tape it to a stick and place in the yard. This will prevent the ghost from returning to your home.
-Make three copies of this note and the BOO signs. You can even make your own BOO signs to pass along!
-Make treat bags or BOO baskets
-Secretly deliver to three neighbors without a BOO
-Watch the BOOs spread until Halloween!
And here's the sign I'm using this year (from organizedchristmas.com):
http://organizedchristmas.com/printable/halloween-boo/halloween-boo-sign-colorful
Basically you make little gift bags and give them to your neighbors with a fun poem explaining the tradition and a sign for their door so other neighbors will know they've already been treated. I like to give candy and cookie cutters in little Halloween bowls. This year I'm giving small candles too (for the parents). What I like best is not knowing who Boo-ed you. It's a special secret for each family to know to whom they gave treats. I'll be giving out my treats tonight! I'm so excited! If your neighborhood doesn't "Boo", then what better reason to start? Happy Halloween!!
What should I do? Okay, it's morbid to talk about this, but it also shows I'm a responsible parent. Well, if I could make up my mind I'd be a responsible parent. We really need to sit down and write out a will. How do people do this? How do you choose a person to raise your child in the event of a tragedy? I don't want someone else to raise my kids! I don't think anyone else could do it as well as I can. Chris thinks it should come down to our parents, but that's not a good option for me.
I won't go into all the details of my childhood, but I don't want my girls to grow up the way I did. My parents grew up on farms and my childhood was a result of their childhoods. I would venture to say I had a better life than they did, but it wasn't what I wished for. Let me be clear that there was no kind of abuse. My parents are good people, but I feel like they didn't really help me on my journey. Besides, we don't agree on a lot of things when it comes to the girls.
That's part of my problem with the in-laws as well. I am not a perfect parent. I make the best choices for my babies and my decisions are informed. I've only been a parent for about two and a half years, but I'm a parent to two small children in 2009. They are the parents of adult children in 2009. And people have mentioned that grandparents don't treat grandchildren as their children - they treat them better. Ugh. If they'd only listen to me when I tell them don't give them things because it's a choking hazard or their little tummies can't handle that certain food, etc. They think they know better than me because they already raised two kids - well listen up! I survived so I could be a better parent than you! We have more information. We have the internet! We use car seats!! Gahhh!
So back to this will thing... um, yeah, I don't know either.
As a mom, I find myself to be more understanding of other moms and more patient with kids who aren't my own. When I hear tragic stories about kids on the news, I ache for them. Sadly, much of what we hear on the news is abuse and neglect. But there are other dramas unfolding all around us. Dramas like the one that came to my attention today. In some ways it came too late, but in other ways, it came just in time.
In checking up on my Facebook friends this morning, I noticed a website link attached to the status of my friend Michelle (thank you again, Michelle). The picture showed a small child in a hospital gown hugging (I assumed) her father. Above the link, Michelle stated the girl was no longer with us and offered a prayer for her and her family. I clicked the link because I just had to know more. What could've happened to take this beautiful baby from her earthly family? The initial page was dated from Monday, and I didn't want to read it. I wasn't ready to read it. I clicked on My Story. It told about a little girl, three and a half years old named Sarabeth. She'd been battling a liver disease since she was three months old.
Knowing how the story ended, I next clicked on the Journal tab. Still unprepared to read about her last days, I clicked the sixth page back and read forward from there. The tears flowed as they flow now. When I got to the second to last entry, I cried and cried. I cried for Sarabeth and for her family. I cried for all the other strong, brave, scared, undeserving children that suffer illnesses and diseases that threaten their lives. I cried for the legions of families that struggle with the death of a child. I cried for Michelle, who lost her sweet Brayden just last year. I cried for my little girls and wished for a million more days with them. I cried as if enough tears could wash away all the pain.
And finally I read the last entry. It stated there would be a memorial for Sarabeth on Wednesday in Mt. Pleasant. Today is Wednesday and I work in Mt. Pleasant. All the time as I read the entries, I did not realize this family was local. Their child was at MUSC Children's Hospital. The memorial will be at 2 this afternoon and I am going. I gathered up all the cash in my wallet and I printed a poem just for them. I'm not staying for the service, but I will pay my respects for a child loved and lost. She will always be loved and thought of with a mixture of sadness and joy. Sarabeth is safe at home in the loving arms of Jesus. Pray for her family. Pray for Sarabeth.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarabethjones
Wanted to quickly tell everyone that I came home yesterday to find that Reagan had somehow sprouted TWO teeth instead of just one as previously indicated. Holy smokes! She's such a good baby that I didn't even know she was teething. She's still nursing, and I haven't noticed her teeth at all. That's a good thing! I'm so excited for her, but I'll miss her gummy grin.
Last night, Bella didn't want to eat her dinner. She wouldn't stay seated at the table and kept yammering on about random things. Anything to keep from sitting with us. Finally, as she stood next to her chair in the dining room asking me questions, I blurted out, "I'm not talking to you anymore until you sit in your chair." And she very calmly replied, "Mommy, you are talking to me." What could I say? Little stinker.
She went to bed early and was asleep by 7:15. Quite unusual, but I thought she might've had a long day with the sitter. She woke around midnight needing to "spit up" as she says. She didn't want to use the toilet so her daddy let her literally spit into the sink. I was thankful that she wasn't throwing up, but Chris mentioned she felt hot. She walked around to my side of the bed and holy cow! She was on fire! From her head to her fingertips to her feet, every inch of her body was fevered. Chris got the Tylenol and when I checked on her a couple hours later as she slept on the floor at the foot of our bed, she was back to normal. Her temperature was slightly elevated again by morning, so we gave her a half-dose of Tylenol. She had a slower gait this morning, but was quite herself.
To make the day a little brighter, Reagan had a special surprise for us this morning! A tooth! Reagan's first tooth broke through last night. I didn't notice it when she nursed, but I couldn't ignore it when she chewed on my knuckle! We're very excited. Chris is leaving town tomorrow for a few days and I'm so happy he was home to see this milestone. She's been gnawing and drooling for so long that we didn't know when to expect her first tooth. She didn't fuss or fever or anything! Little stinker.
I had a great weekend with the kids and a lovely Labor Day with my parents. Went to the water park Saturday with the girls, my mom and one of my nephews (Cullen). The girls had a blast. Chris had to work setting up for Sunday, but he was home in the evening for family time. Sunday my parents, my sister and her family joined us at the BBQ & Bluegrass Festival at Boone Hall Plantation. Since Chris was working the audio, we got free tickets. It was my first time, but it won't be my last. I loved it.
Monday was Labor Day and my dad invited us fishing on his boat. We've never even seen his boat because he keeps it in Moncks Corner, so we were really excited! The girls were all set in their cute little life jackets. We bought our licenses on the way out there and we were ready for a day of fun. It was windy and it made the water rough, but I enjoyed the spray and the bumps. Isabella was not having as much fun as the boat rocked and rolled across the water. The engine cut out a couple of times until it finally locked up. We were stranded. Reagan was happy just to be held, so she was fine, but Bella was scared. A boat passed us and she made a comment about the kids on the boat falling off. I told her the kids didn't fall off the boat and I realized what was wrong. We had seen a boat pulling two kids on a tube and she must've thought they fell off the boat. With the water being so rough, she was afraid of falling into the water. How can a swimmer be afraid of falling into the water? I tried to quelch her fears while we waited for the tow back to the dock. She fell asleep shortly after getting off the boat, but when she woke up, she wanted to "go on the boat with PawPaw". I guess she finally had a good time. Too bad we had to cut it short. Didn't even get to fish.
So that's the fun stuff, now to the not-so-fun stuff. Our air-conditioner finally gave up yesterday. It's probably fifteen years old, so it came as no surprise. We got four different estimates for new systems back in March. I just didn't want to have to spend the money on something we didn't need... and now we need it. Chris got an offer for term life insurance yesterday and we had to make the first years payment on that. Oh, and did I mention our mortgage is due? I never wonder where my money is because I know it's safe in someone else's account.
Today is Chris's birthday. It's impossible to buy something for him without him telling me what he wants. When he wants something, he usually buys it. There has to be a special occasion in the immediate future for him to avoid making purchases for himself. So what did I get him? Nothing. It's pathetic and I feel terrible about it, but he doesn't NEED anything and he's already bought all that he WANTS. So why waste money that we don't have on something that he doesn't want or need? I'm rationalizing because I feel like a jerk for not getting him anything. Ugh. I am a jerk.
Of course I was invited to the preview party for the behind-the-scenes documentary for Fashion Week 2009. Why wouldn't I be invited? I'm hip. I wear maxi dresses and sunglasses too big for my face. I have a bobbed haircut and a fondness for cocktail rings. I read Glamour and Lucky. Oh, wait. I wasn't invited. Chris was invited and took me as his date. Good choice, in my opinion.
The movie was shown at the new Hippodrome theatre downtown (the old IMAX location). It wasn't exactly the most exciting night out, but I laughed and drank Woodchuck and laughed some more. I rubbed elbows with the real fashionistas of Charleston like... um... Ayoka and... um... look, I don't wanna be a name-dropper. The movie was better than those boring documentaries on A&E, but less exciting than the newest episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. I will admit that the alcohol I consumed made me sleepy and I considered closing my eyes. Hey, I have two small children at home. I fight my willpower to take naps at work every day of the week. I was away from my children, in a dark theatre, mildly intoxicated and sleep deprived. Chris should've had to carry my unconscious body out of there.
We picked up the munchkins at my parent's house around 8:15. Obviously it wasn't a late night. We didn't hit up the after-party at Shine. Did I really need to say that? So for about two hours I got to feel like a fashionable woman, instead of a frumpy mom. That alone made the evening worth it.
Wow. Potty training is going incredibly well. I guess my mom instincts were right. We waited until she was ready and now she's wearing pull-ups all day (diaper at night) and she hasn't had a poop accident in over a week! She's pooping in the potty all the time! She loves it! And I love it too. I'm so proud of my girl. This part is going so great that I hate to bring up other issues she's having. But I will.
She refuses to sleep in her bed. She goes through phases with her bedtime routine. For months she'll be an angel and go right to bed. She won't fuss, but she will ask for her music or a toy or a blanket. And then she becomes panicked when we try to leave her. The panic becomes increasingly worse as the days go by until it's non-stop screaming. That's where we are now. She has always slept with her door only slightly ajar. She used to call after us to remind us to close her door. Now she freaks out if we close the door. She says she's scared of her bed. We put a pallet of blankets on the floor at the foot of our bed and she still cries when we leave her upstairs. What do I do? Why is she so scared? It makes me sad.
The other thing going on with her is her increased appetite. She's always been an eater, so to even mention something about her appetite is strange to me. If there's food, she wants some. However, she has become more interested in eating than in playing - even at the water park! She stopped playing at the water park and at the pool this past weekend to eat. She kept saying she was hungry! She would start wandering off and when I'd ask where she was going, she'd tell me she was hungry and she wanted pretzels or a sandwich or whatever. She'd sit in a chair and just eat like it was her job. I know it might be a growth spurt, and I hope it is, because her little body can't keep up this pace!
By the way, her little sister is doing well too. I swear she said "ma ma ma" this morning. I turned to look at her and she was reaching for me! She's never reached for anyone before! Very exciting stuff!
Our little Boo Boo bear is rocking the potty. She loves wearing her "princess panties" (they're pull-ups) and is so excited to pull them up and down on her own. I'm excited too! Sunday night, as she pooped in the downstairs bathroom, she looked into the potty and exclaimed, "It's a snake!" Too funny.
My husband, Chris, had to leave for work early this morning, so I got the girls ready for the day ahead. Bella Boo happily chose a "twirly" dress to wear. I'm girly and I want her to be girly, and choices like this are a warm fuzzy for me. Almost makes me want to cry thinking about her in her special dress this morning.
We even got out of the house at a reasonable time, so I could avoid being late for work. It would've been perfect if I had remembered to grab their diaper bag as I left the house. I'd just stocked it with pull-ups and diapers. When I get too high, there has to be something to knock me back to earth! Ugh. I felt like such a doofus. It was still a great morning.
In the past few (maybe 4 or 5) months, my child has considered the potty a passing fancy. Her personal little potty is mostly used as a stool instead of for stool. She hops up on the porcelain throne impulsively. But after this morning's events, I think it might be high time we try again and try with all our might.
Walking around naked after her shower, she asked to go potty and hopped up on the toilet. She usually does this in the morning, but it's the only time of day she does it so it's not a big deal. Don't get me wrong, I lavish her with praise! I want her to ask, so I make sure she knows how awesome it is to pee in the potty. She was still naked when I lay down to nurse her sister. Thank goodness her daddy was out of the shower because I never would've made it into the bathroom in time. Quite suddenly, she said she needed to potty and covered her heiny with her hands. She had locked the toilet lid after peeing, so she couldn't just hop up on the potty. Chris had to unlock the potty and prop her up on the bowl in a few quick movements. It was a landmark achievement! Poop in the potty! Hurray for Bella Boo! Hurray for poop!
She's staying with her grandparents tonight and can do so because Grandpa is retired for the most part. She helped me pack her suitcase this morning before leaving for the sitter and I wanted to be sure she had everything she might want or need. She slept with her flip-flops last night, so that list is growing. She didn't even wear them. She held them in her arms with her baby doll. She also woke up at 3:13 this morning screaming because she couldn't find them. Foolishly, I put them on the vanity next to her bed when I went to check on her before going to bed myself. I didn't want to lose them in the sheets and blankets and have to send out a search party in the morning! How was I to know she'd wake, find them missing, and proceed to scream until they were "found"? And honestly, my husband can never say anything about my fascination with shoes ever again - I don't sleep with them!
Unfortunately, that is not the point of this story. While packing, I asked if she needed all her other sleep pals (Tigger, baby doll & a pink lamb she thinks is a rabbit) and after her confirmation, I dropped them into the suitcase. I turned around and heard, "Not baby!" "Okay," I said, not turning back toward her. Figuring this would be a good time to wash her sheets, I stripped her bed and turned to leave the room. And there she sat on the suitcase. Her baby's head tucked under her shirt. I looked down at her and was in awe. "I'm feeding my baby," she told me. Feeding her baby.
A few days ago, she found a resistance band of mine. The band had the ends tied together for some exercise long forgotten. She put the band around her neck and put the baby doll in the fold of the band. If you're having trouble picturing this, she was using the band as a sling.
She's only two. How did she become such a little mama? And you can imagine, I am very proud to have a breastfeeding, baby-wearing daughter. Even if she is only two.
I thank God that I am here to see my babies grow even if I don't notice every pound or inch (until someone is grabbing things off the counter that she couldn't reach before!). I thank God I am here to comfort my friends when they are in need. I thank God the tire place is open on Saturday! I thank God for allowing me a new day and, with each one, more opportunities to do His will.
We all fall into patterns. Our patterns might involve kids and school and work, or work and more work! However we live, sometimes we forget to live. Make each day a little different. I'm not saying have fish instead of chicken. Or maybe that's exactly what I'm saying! Yes, have fish.
It's not all hot air - I am practicing what I preach. No, we didn't have fish, but this made me really think about how I live and whether I get the most out of life. The answer? I'm trying and I like it.
I had a Premier jewelry party last Saturday. I've never done that before and I can see myself doing it (or something like it) again. I love entertaining and I don't do it often enough. We had a friend over for dinner last week and it was lovely to see him. Dinner wasn't perfect (I didn't cook the corn long enough) but the company was wonderful. Instead of our usual water park weekend, we went to a friend's pool the weekend before last (this past weekend was a water park weekend!). Variety is the spice of life, right?
Unfortunately, the grief experienced by ones close to us is painful. It's tragic and traumatic and I don't want to say anything to lessen their suffering. It's just horrible.
I've not come to any life-altering conclusions, nor have I made dramatic changes to improve myself. I'm not going to tell everyone to "make the most of each day" or anything cliche like that. I love my kids and I don't spend enough time with them. I also don't spend much time doing laundry (my husband can vouch for this). I will probably never have balance, but it's not my goal.
At the end of each day I think the same thoughts. Are my babies safe and sleeping? Did I kiss them and say "I love you"? Did I tell my husband the same? If the answers are "yes" then I give myself permission to sleep at peace. I try to remember to thank God for all I have, but I admit that I often forget and I hope He already knows.
My sister is a water drinker. Plastic cup. Lots of ice. She craves it. I don't think that's normal.
I like water when I'm exercising, but otherwise I want a beverage with flavor. I use powder mixes to add taste (and sometimes they even have antioxidants and such). I have to be really thirsty to bother with plain water. Really thirsty. The thing that bites me in the tush is that my additives add additives. Okay, I'm drinking water, but basically every non-alcoholic beverage has water as the main ingredient. Just take a look at the ingredients list of any drink. Yep, water is numero uno. So in order to err on the side of goodness, I've switched to Wal-Mart water!
Sam's Choice brand Clear American Naturally Flavored Sparkling Water Beverage, to be exact. I love all the flavors too. I know it has aspartame in it and I don't care! This stuff is yummy and it makes me feel like I'm treating myself and getting my holier-than-thou H2O at the same time. I drink it warm, I drink it cold, I drink it in a box, I drink it with a fox. And the best part is the price.
Water is expensive. Whether you buy it in bottles, or jugs, or use a filter on your tap, you pay more to avoid lead poisoning and other crazy things. As soon as I can afford it, I want to buy a filter for my tap. I think it's best because of the flouride that's added by the city. I also think it's so cool that PUR has those flavored cartridges. I would totally buy those! But until then, I am really happy with my Sam's Choice water. Try a bottle.
After some frustration with my wordpress blog, I have decided to move here. Permanently. I'm not sure about all the ins and outs, but I'm catching on. If you'd like to see what I've been up to before coming here, please see me at momto2.wordpress.com
I'll have more to say later as I become more accustom to my new surroundings.
